Working parent transitions, made easier

Hi working moms and dads –

Let’s face it: Transitions are hard.  And when you’re transitioning from full-on, get-it-done professional mode into being a present loving parent (or vice versa), it’s really hard.  Each time you walk through the doors to your workplace, or arrive home after a work trip, or even just shut your laptop to spend 15 minutes focusing on the kids, you’re making a big change.  You’re moving roles, shifting gears.  And all too often that can leave you feeling confused, stressed, or less than your best.  Ever felt like you’re still carrying the tensions of the workday throughout a precious evening with the kids?  Or struggled to focus during a morning meeting because you’re still in mom or dad mode?  We’ve all been there.  

So let’s look at some powerful ways to make those professional-to-parent-and-back-again pivots easier, calmer, and more effective.  

Set your intentions. Think about who you really are and want to be perceived as. If you’re clear that you want your colleagues to think of you as upbeat, personable, high-energy, and smart, and that you want to be a warm, patient, nurturing, and attentive parent, it’s going to be a lot easier to project, and actually be, those things from the first moment you walk through that (real or virtual) door.

Fuel up. When you’re low-energy and low-blood-sugar—and who isn’t at those natural workday transition points (early morning, midday, early evening)?—it’s virtually impossible to be at your best. Yes, perhaps before you had kids you were able to pull out an amazing performance on coffee and adrenaline, but you’re in a much more demanding game now. Put some- thing in the tank before arriving at or starting work, and grab a snack on the way home or before coming out of your home office if you need to. Make sure you’re as physically ready as possible to be a great professional and parent.

Create a checklist. Checklists are powerful tools for staying on track and preventing unforced errors when you’re in high- stakes situations (which is why every airplane pilot in the world uses one, both at takeoff and landing). To avoid making the small mistakes and oversights that can leave you scrambling and anxious—like forgetting to restock the diaper bag before leaving for work or forgetting to check in with your line man- ager at the end of the day—keep a “Don’t forget . . .” list taped to the doorframe or easily accessible on your smartphone.

Let it go. As hard as it is, try to release the worries of the work- day, at least temporarily, as you pivot homeward, and likewise set aside your parenting concerns as work begins. When your child hasn’t been with you for nine hours, you don’t want to spend those first few minutes with her furrowing your brow and obsessing about that big project being over budget.  Make certain that your brain and your heart are in the same place as your body.

Add a ritual. If you find it hard to shake off  your worries and concerns from one sphere as you move into the other, make your transition more marked, more deliberate. Always get off the subway a stop early and use the walk to clear your head, for example, or imagine your bulging to-do list as a file that you can close down, as on a computer, or make it a habit to touch the family photo you keep on your desk when it’s time to knock off work and become full-on Mom or Dad.

Do a final pause. Before you walk through that door, take a moment to regroup. Linger in the office lobby or sit alone in your car for a minute, or close your eyes and take a few deep breaths after shutting your laptop. That last extra bit of time will help you move between worlds in a deliberate, authentic way.

Try using one or two of these strategies in the coming week to make your working-parent pivots easier and more effective.  Next week, we’ll look at a new way that (even as a crazy-busy working mom or dad!) you can quickly build up a more powerful professional brand.

In the meantime: if you’re just launching, or thinking about launching, a working parents network or ERG inside your organization,  check out my HBR article on how to get going – and quickly provide your working-parent colleagues the help and community they need.